The Good Die Young

I started this blog post on yesterday and couldn't bring myself to finish it.  This morning I told myself a story that evokes that much emotion deserves to be told.  On Wednesday, my "sister" and one of my best friends watched as her four month old granddaughter was laid to rest.  When I got the news of the baby girl's passing on Friday I had mixed emotions about going to the hospital to be with my sister but I got up the courage and was able to make it there.  I held the big, beautiful baby girl and then it ALL came back.

Last June at twenty three weeks pregnant I woke up in a pool of blood.  When I arrived at the hospital they performed a couple of tests and told me what I already knew.  My baby girl, Zoe, was dead in my womb and I would have to deliver her.  I was so blank the Doctor immediately did a toxicology screen.  I guess he figured a person who had been given that news and showed no emotion had to be high on something.  But I wasn't high.  I didn't know how to react and couldn't believe this was happening to me.  So, I pushed my emotions to the side like I do so many times and prepared to deliver my baby. 

After delivery we were able to hold Baby Zoe and say our goodbyes but goodbye still had not hit me yet.  It wasn't until two days later when I left the hospital without her that the tears began streaming.  To be honest, that day at the hospital when all those emotions returned, I knew that I haven't said goodbye yet.  But why would I?  She's my baby girl and I'll see her later in heaven.  So no goodbyes.  See you later Zoe and Harmony.  I love you both.

Stop Snitching??? !!!

I was going through old pictures and found one of my cousin in her "Stop Snitching" shirt.  I remember around 2006 when these shirts were very popular.  I decided to blog it.  While doing the research for this blog, I ran across this article that discussed a DVD that featured Carmelo Anthony.  Anthony discussed his beliefs and how he was reared to not "snitch".  The article briefly touches on the government's decision to impose mandatory minimum sentences for drug crimes and how law enforcement uses the testimony of drug criminals to convict other drug criminals.  This topic hits close to home also but I'll touch on it at a later date.  The above article can be found here.  http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/columns/story?columnist=farrey_tom&id=2296590

So, here are my thoughts.  I am all for reducing crime and making neighborhoods safe.  I am however against allowing leniency for someone committing the exact same crime as another in exchange for his or her testimony.  How about police officers do a little primary prevention and plant themselves in neighborhoods to reduce crime rates instead of relying on citizens, and criminals at that, to police our neighborhoods?  And what about innocent until PROVEN guilty?  Can someone really be proven guilty solely off the testimony of someone else?  How sure can law enforcement be that the testimony provided is the truth rather than solely an attempt at a get out of jail free card?

Several of the other articles went on to condemn the "stop snitching" culture.  Of course there were several sentences linking it to hip hop and African American culture.  In a world where everyone's pointing fingers and no one's to blame I believe it's time that we all work together to "stop snitching", prevent crime and convict criminals based on facts rather than he say she say.  In addition to policing the neighborhoods, law enforcement and other professionals need to mentor youth and encourage them to seek other positive avenues.  Then, there would be no need to "stop snitching" because hopefully people wouldn't have anyone on whom to snitch.

Give and it Shall Be Given to You

After Nia grew out of her first set of clothing I had a yard sale. I just knew I was going to receive an increase. The money that I made, though helpful, was not worth the prep and service time. I decided at that point no more yard sales. From then on I would give the clothes to someone who needed them.

This morning I received a call. It was from one of the clothing recipients. She said those clothes always came through on time and she wanted to return the favor. She offered to buy some of Winter's milk every month.

I feel that my seed planting finally reaped a harvest. Today so many people are looking to harvest yet they haven't planted any seeds. Instead of asking "What have you done for me lately?" take the time out of your schedule to lend a helping hand. Don't do it expecting a return but know that at some point the return is coming. 'Tis the season!

This Christmas

This Christmas I didn't ask God for anything. He has already blessed me with the two best gifts a girl could have, Ania Javonne and Winter Rose. Friday my Sissy lost her four month old grandbaby. I was reminded to cherish WHO matters. Things can be replaced. Loved ones can't.

Both my girls are blessings. Ania does a great job with her little sister and is very protective. Winter is growing and changing daily and is very attached to her Mommy. Today my baby baby girl is two weeks old. This Christmas my wish for all of you is that just like me you're better than blessed. Please remember the reason for the season and that God is Love.

Is What's Good for the Goose Good for the Gander?

A friend of mine called me to say he had to let his daughter know he and his girlfriend broke up recently (after October). He said he told his daughter that Daddy would have friends because he realized she would develop relationships based on what she witnessed from her parents. I was shocked to learn that after being broken up for a month he was introducing his daughter to his "friend" and taking said "friend" to his family's holiday party. Today's blog poses some questions. Had this been the actions of the little girl's mother, how receptive would the girl's Dad have been? Should the girl's Mom voice concerns to her Dad? Is what's good for the goose good for the gander?

You Do What?

At the altar when one is saying "I do" what exactly is one agreeing to do?  According to the CDC there were 2,077,000 marriages in the United States in 2009 (CDC, 2010).  The rate of marriage was 6.8 per 1,000 of the population (CDC, 2010).  Sadly, the number of divorces was 3.4 per 1,000 of the population (CDC, 2010).  It seems like it's easy to get into a marriage and about half as easy to get out of one.  As I'm writing I'm watching Kim and Kourtney take New York and remembering past episodes of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.  It's obvious to me that Kim and Kris were so into getting married that they didn't research the effort required to stay married. 

Kris acts like he just found out after saying "I do" that Kim is a reality tv star who leads a hectic life.  Also, Kim seems to have only found out about Kris' immaturity after moving to New York.  Now, I've been a part of a sneak attack where the person I married wasn't the person I knew previously but this relationship was one big caution light.  Having been a part of a failed marriage I don't want to join in on the lynch mob that seeks to hang Kim for searching for the fairy tale.  I do wish that after she exits her griefing phase she uses her famous for being famous face to reach her audience and encourage them to a) not rush into marriage and b) put a little effort into working on love. 

Let me just say that some of the best examples of longevity in marriage can be found a little closer to home.  My Aunt Bebe and Uncle Bobby are mine.  Thirty six years and still growing strong.  They give me hope that Boaz is still out there.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.  (2010). http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/divorce.htm

Throwback Thursday - Toys

While shopping for a couple of surprise gifts for Nia's Christmas, I took a trip back to my childhood and left with a smile. Those were the days, when responsibility was few and fun was plenty. My cousins and I were like a band of brothers. In fact, some of our most enjoyable moments didn't involve toys at all. We would play in Grandma's dirt for hours making goo lash and cruise the neighborhood on our bikes searching for cans for our recycling project.

Nevertheless, when toys were needed these are a few that come to mind. The first toy I ran across in Wal Mart was Alphie, the talking educational robot.

Next I saw a shelf full of cabbage patch dolls. I LOVED my cabbage patch doll. Now Nia wants those $100+ dollar American Girl Dolls that aren't near as cuddly.

These two weren't in the store but I'd do my childhood a disservice if I didn't mention them. I absolutely loved my pogo ball. I never could do tricks but I'd bounce on it forever. And, if you didn't own a Teddy Ruxpin, your parents didn't love you. Just kidding, but Teddy was a big deal.


This trip down memory lane did me a world of good. Now, I think I'll search for a pogo ball.

A Lesson in Responsibility

I finally caught the latest episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta last night. At first I felt like Sheree was being over emotional about going to court. Then I saw how childish her ex acted after court and felt sympathy for her. It's no fun having to stand before a judge so that they can make your child's other parent take responsibility for the child. How much money Sheree makes is irrelavent. They both made the children they should both meet the needs of children.

It irks me when guys insinuate that a woman is balling off his child support or that a woman shouldn't seek child support. Anyone who has full responsibility of a child knows that meeting that child's needs is an expensive task. Absent parents, here's a thought. Teach your child a lesson in responsibility. Take some! Don't add unnecessary stress to the stress that is single parenting. Step up to the plate and spend your money AND your time on your child.

Love What You Do Do What You Love

I ordered a pair of earrings a couple of weeks ago when I received them in the mail last week they were attached to a card that read "Love What You Do Do What You Love".  I thought how wonderful and what an inspiring message.  In our day to day lives how many of us can actually say we are doing something that we love?  If you can't say that, what are you doing so that one day you can say that?  I'm definitely not saying quit your job today, especially if you don't have a plan. 

What I am saying is don't get caught in the hamster's wheel.  Don't end up years from now saying woulda, coulda, shoulda.  Spotlight on two of my inspirations.  When change came they thought of a way to make dollars doing something that interests them and that they're good at doing.  Watch out for HardDenim record label coming soon!  In the meantime read the stories and posters below and be inspired!

http://dowhatyouloveforlife.com/shared-stories/

Does Keeping It Real Ever Go Wrong?

I'm in love with truth.  I'll tell it until it hurts.  Why?  Because I know how lies can impact your life.  I would rather be stung by the truth than told a lie anyday.  Unfortunately, this is not the case for everyone.  Others would rather indulge in ear candy.  Tell them what they want to hear and they're good.  Either that or they're good at telling you what you want to hear. 

Seven years ago when I married Ania's dad, I knew and he knew that the path we were about to embark on was not the one we wanted.  We were too busy trying to please others and "do what was right" that we made one of the biggest mistakes of our lives at a time when we should have been celebrating one of our greatest accomplishments.  Needless to say that marriage ended quickly and left ill will and bitterness.  I couldn't believe that he would just leave me.  I should have been happy that he cared enough for himself and me to turn the page.  Today, I'm thankful that he kept it real. 

So, does keeping it real ever go wrong?  I believe the only time it might is when the person on the receiving end of real can't handle your realness.  Sounds like a personal problem to me.  Like Cheryl Lynn sings "Got to be real".

Dear Mama

In last week's episode of Love and Hip Hop Olivia was seeking and receiving advice as to the direction of her career.  She was told by the Arista representative and Yandy that she needed to make her music more personable and deliver her pain to her listeners.  Olivia discussed her relationship with her Mom.  She explained the lack of communication, the letters her Mom left for her and basically how she hated her Mom.  Rarely do I see the reality in reality television but for me this episode was REAL.  I love my Mom, don't get it twisted, but she, my brother and my Dad are three of the hardest people I've ever had to love.  I'm at the point to where I love them because I have to love them. 

As far as my mom is concerned no matter what I do or how hard I try I feel like it's never enough.  I'm the first to admit I'm not near perfect.  I travel the hard road a lot.  But there is no pleasing that lady.  And from this point on there's no trying.  I'm experiencing major issues right now.  The optional issues have to make their exit.  I believe one of our problems is the fact that I'm so strong willed, driven and successful.  She appreciates this when it works for her but not when it prevents her from taking the driver seat in my life.  I'm sorry but there's only one copilot on Air Joy and his name is Jesus.  Maybe one day the direction of this relationship will change but as for now I'm done putting in the effort.  My focus is the spiritual, physical, mental and financial health of my Princesses and me.  THE END

I Am Not my Hair

Do you remember this song from India Arie, "I am Not My Hair"?  These days everyone is going natural.  Yesterday I had a brief but extremely enlightening conversation with my Aunt Robin.  She's beautiful, strong willed and oh so intelligent.  Among other things, we discussed my transition to natural hair.  Aunt Robin has started her journey to natural but refuses to cut her relaxed ends because she says her head is too big.  She needs some Arie in her life, right?  My fro is blossoming.  She was like "Wow, it's getting up there.  You know that makes your head look big, right?"

My response was "I don't care.  It's easy and I love it!"  The fact is my head is big (thanks Paw Paw).  Neither natural or relaxed hair can change that.  I used to concern myself with the opinions of others but that is no longer  a problem.  I love me.  Make sure you love you.  If you don't, you may allow negativity, settling and pain in your life.  You were born to be great so be great and do you.  There is so much more to me than my hair.  If that's as deep as you're willing to search, you're not searching for much.  

Me, extra early

Love Does Not Equal Together

Two and a half years ago I met the most amazing man. Rough exterior, kind and gentle interior. Did I mention total eye candy? I always tell him he had me at hello. What was initially supposed to be me having fun turned into the ultimate love. We laughed, joked and cried. He spoiled me. When I could, I spoiled him back. He professed his love for me under the moon on South Beach and flew me to Vegas for my 29th bday. He even gave me a ring. Unfortunately, I would find out later that we just cannot be. I'm walking away with the best gift ever and I can't imagine I'll ever be able to say I don't love him but love does not equal together.... AND I'M OKAY WITH THAT

The Doctor Will See You Now

Today my littlest Princess had an appointment for her first checkup.  Initially I was going to take her to our family practitioner.  Her sister sees this Doctor and I have no complaints.  However, my gut told me it would be better to begin care with a Pediatrician.  I made an appointment for both of them at Piedmont Medical Associates.  Let me just tell you, Dr. Martin is awesome.  I'm very happy with my decision.  Confession: I also chose Dr. Martin because she is a black, female doctor.  I think my plan worked.  I have drilled and drilled it into Ania that the medical profession is for her.  Shes fought tooth and nail.  Today she came home and played "Doctor".  I think it's important that we surround our children with positive people with whom they can relate. 

Dr. Martin was extremely personable and very informative.  She talked with me, not at me and took lots of time to educate me.  During the conversation she referenced research to explain each point she made.  She interacted with my children and smiled the entire time.  One of my concerns with Nia is that she worries ALOT.  Dr. Martin suggested Nia make a worry box and leave her concerns there.  When Dr. Martin suggested Nia drink only one soft drink per week, Nia said "Now, that's a worry".  :)  Gotta love her!  Winter, who it appears will be as stubborn and strongwilled as her Dad, refused to open her eyes for examination.  Dr. Martin said she can usually force the eyes open but not my baby girl's! 

Nevertheless, the visit was a pleasure and a success.  Lincolnton residents searching for a Pediatrician, I would venture to say Dr. Martin and Pediatric Medical Associates are definite frontrunners.

Dr. Jermeliah Martin

644 Clark Drive

Piedmont Medical Associates

And Then There Were Three

What better than the birth of a beautiful baby girl to prompt a return to the world of blogging?  I'm already Queen to a Princess.  Now I have two.  There are so many exciting things going on in my life and the best is yet to come.  I've changed so many things and many things have changed themselves.  Either way I'm embracing this fabulous life of my mine.  This whirlwhind must be documented.  The revolution must be televised.  Today's topic: WINTER ROSE

I named my new baby girl Winter Rose for several reasons.  One of which is because she was born around the time of my favorite season, Winter.  Also because of a book I revisited and her Dad read during my pregnancy.  The Coldest Winter Ever.  If you've ever read this book you know it's the tale of semi street savvy girl named Winter who endures hardship after she loses her Dad to prison.  This won't be my Winter's story but I can imagine that she's going to be just as tough plus the name is just beautiful! 

Rose was my great aunt.  She was dainty and very matter of fact and cared enough to share one of the greatest moments of my life, my college graduation.  My Paw Paw says he's going to call our new addition Rosie.  I think that's so sweet!  Everyone loves her name and our sweet baby girl.  Especially her sister.  I'm blessed beyond measure and I plan to tell you all about my blessings as the blog goes on.