The Good Die Young

I started this blog post on yesterday and couldn't bring myself to finish it.  This morning I told myself a story that evokes that much emotion deserves to be told.  On Wednesday, my "sister" and one of my best friends watched as her four month old granddaughter was laid to rest.  When I got the news of the baby girl's passing on Friday I had mixed emotions about going to the hospital to be with my sister but I got up the courage and was able to make it there.  I held the big, beautiful baby girl and then it ALL came back.

Last June at twenty three weeks pregnant I woke up in a pool of blood.  When I arrived at the hospital they performed a couple of tests and told me what I already knew.  My baby girl, Zoe, was dead in my womb and I would have to deliver her.  I was so blank the Doctor immediately did a toxicology screen.  I guess he figured a person who had been given that news and showed no emotion had to be high on something.  But I wasn't high.  I didn't know how to react and couldn't believe this was happening to me.  So, I pushed my emotions to the side like I do so many times and prepared to deliver my baby. 

After delivery we were able to hold Baby Zoe and say our goodbyes but goodbye still had not hit me yet.  It wasn't until two days later when I left the hospital without her that the tears began streaming.  To be honest, that day at the hospital when all those emotions returned, I knew that I haven't said goodbye yet.  But why would I?  She's my baby girl and I'll see her later in heaven.  So no goodbyes.  See you later Zoe and Harmony.  I love you both.