Proverbs 14:23

I don't know why I haven't blogged up a storm lately. My riding partner has been extremely busy, working as hard as she can. I'm very proud of my Mom. She seems so much happier now that she has an opportunity to increase her income.

It's sad to me when people are the upset. Some people would rather sit at home with the give me hand. How about extending that hand to give to someone else? Every since I've made sure to pay my debts on time, God has opened doors so that I can pretty much get whatever I want. (Still working on the Porsche and Chanel bag)

Try God. Take advantage of the opportunities He has given you to earn income and provide. Seek out those opportunities. Make sure to give Him His percentage. I just started back tithing this month and I feel better already. Remember hard work brings profit but mere talk leads to poverty. Oh, and if you're not giving your tenth and able to provide for your house you're not working hard enough. Think bigger.

My Natural Exudes Confidence

Let me begin by saying I am loving my finger twists. I am going to have to force myself to try other protective styles. My Wen and Sheamoisture curling smoothie are still working wonders for me. I never really feel like my hair looks bad. It gets a tad aggravating at times but I'm never disappointed with the end results.

Recently while visiting friends, I was told that one of them hated my two strand twists and the other disliked my afro. I thank God for the progress I've made. I didn't lash out at these people mainly out of respect but also because someone who would make those comments couldnt possibly understand the significance of my relaxerless journey.

This decision isn't only about convenience. It's about teaching my daughters that they're beautiful just as they are. They don't have to have Asiany or Caucasiany straight hair to be considered pretty. I also want them to be confident with their appearance and decisions.

It's A Girl!

I'm going to be an Auntie again. I'm so excited for my expecting friend that I can't contain it. We just found out that our new addition is a girl. Winter gets a playmate! Children are truly a blessing. While I was going through my pregnancy, almost alone, my friend Krista was there to listen to me cry, calm me down when I was angry and talk me out of something I would never done had I been thinking clearly. Now, I get to share in her joy. No one deserves the happiness a baby brings more than her. She always works hard to bring smiles to others faces. it's her turn. I can't wait to be an Auntie again! Now, to work on Trae. I just may have something in the making. ;)

Sleep Tight

One of my favorite friends called me this morning. She wanted my blog address. I figured since she was searching, I should begin writing. I made a conscious decision this weekend to be a woman of action. Everything in my life that isn't like I want it to be will be undergoing some changes.

To the dismay of my children, one of those things is the fact that they sleep with me. I get zero alone time, even in my sleep. This often leads to increased frustration. Everyone needs alone time, right? Therefore, I served them with eviction notices last night. Of course Miss Feisty Ania put up a fight but she managed to sleep alone. To my surprise Winnie Poo stayed in her crib from 10 pm until 230 am. I believe this is a sign of good things to come. I hope so anyway.

Exhausted Mommy

Let me just begin by saying I'm exhausted as all right now. My girls are pampered princesses and require every ounce of my energy. A majority of the time I'm Mommy and Daddy. Like everything I do I give this job my all. Everyday, I reap the rewards. Today, I witnessed one of the sweetest things. In the middle of our nightly routine which is tv in my room, Winter reached out her hand. She gestured for her sister to come here and begin rubbing her face. Nia was excited and felt loved. I felt blessed that both of them are mine. Thank God that in the midst of everything, they are my sanity.

Choices

Someone approached me for advice and I hope I gave them the right advice. That person has been very responsible her entire adult life. Well, she has the opportunity to travel and possibly be on a tv show. Now, my advice is that she should go for it. Some of the most known people on television today have built their brand after appearing on reality tv. I'm not consigning Drake's YOLO. There are times that we must be more reserved. However, when I'm telling stories to my grandchildren, I want to have stories that will intrigue and surprise them. I've also been responsible my entire adult life. When my wave comes, I'm jumping in full force.

Prayer Request

Many times in my life, I've been placed in situations where I've had to learn the power of patience and persistent prayer. Right now, my best friend is facing one of the biggest trials he'll probably ever face. My stomach is in knots. If not for my faith in God, I would probably be at my breaking point. However, I know that all things work for the good and that God is a God of second chances. If you believe in prayer and its power, please say a prayer for my friend. Also pray that I find strength in patience. Peace and love!

I Want a Daddy

Today my oldest said something to me that is obviously bothering me because I'm still up thinking about it. She's only 7 but she's wise beyond her years. Anyway her comment in a nutshell was "It's not fair that we don't have a Daddy in our house". Normally when I blog I have all the answers. Now, my head is full of questions.

Was I wrong when I her Dad asked and I said a second chance was out of the question? Should I have married fiancé number two who was kind, sweet and good lucking but who I knew I didn't love like I felt a wife should love her husband? Had I cheated my daughter by engaging in this last passionate romance?

At what point should I forget the fairy tale and put her needs before mine? This is definitely a conundrum. I've been in a loveless marriage. My girls are the only reason I would ever consider going there again. Right now, I'm not willing to make that sacrifice. I'll just patiently wait for Prince Charming.

I LOVE MY MAMA

One of my first posts was about the relationship my Mom and I share.  Thank God that he can change things.  In the past couple of months I've felt closer to her than I've ever felt.  She's been there for me and my daughters whenever I needed her and I've made sure to fulfill my daughterly duties as well.  I'm glad that the situation is changing because I want our relationship to serve as a model for the relationship that my daughters and I share and will share.  Also, I think about how my Mom lost her Mom at such an early age.  I don't want to waste any of our time being angry.  I only have one life.  I'm going to live it and enjoy it with the ones that I love.  There are no other options.

More Than Monday

I swear this stuff just comes to me and I immediately feel the need to share. Actually, it didn't JUST come to me. I spent a limited of time last night having a large conversation with an important person. We discussed regrets and woulda coulda shouldas. The sadness of the conversation reminded me to make every moment count.

Tonight at work I thought about how all the people who work "normal" shifts are probably dreading the sound of the alarm clock this morning. Well, don't. Thank God you're here amongst the living and the free. In appreciation don't only do enough to get by. Excel. Do MORE THAN you must this Monday. Afterwards, sit back and enjoy the return. Not only will the rewards come, but you will find joy in your accomplishments. Recognition and promotion will come. This Monday, do MORE THAN enough.

How Efficient is our Current Justice System?

Let me begin by saying yes, I do believe wrongs deserve to be punished. However, I am certain that there are more efficient, fair and cost effective ways than the methods currently in place. For example, I personally could care less about the number of years a drug dealer or suspected drug dealer is sentenced to. In my opinion, if people are dumb enough to use drugs than that's their perogative. I don't consider them victims but rather weak individuals. I'm an advocate and firm believer in survival of the fittest. My view differs in the case of the underaged but that is all. These days a murderer can walk free due to lack of evidence but someone can name another in a drug crime and cause that person to miss out on a quarter of his life, no evidence needed.

I also am against the prison system as a whole. The United States makes up about 4.5% of the world's population yet we house a quarter of the world's prison population. In my opinion prison is a breeding ground for violence and may cause a person to act on urges that are unnatural for him or her. My proposed solution is simple. Being that our country is currently in an undesirable situation, use convicted criminals to perform jobs that cost the citizens of this country. Persons who commit more serious crimes such as rape and murder should definitely suffer a worse fate but not at the expense of taxpayers. Lock them up somewhere that is completely funded by them.

Lastly, there has to be some form of primary prevention. There are too many young men and women who see a life of crime as their only option. We have got to find the time and gather the resources to mentor our youth. We should seek to rid the world of prisons as aggressively as we do cancer and diabetes because like these prisons are a disease.

Hurt People Hurt People

Have you ever gone through something, well let's face it, we've all been through something. But did you take the time to notice that usually doing your worst times rather than smile and/or do something to make yourself or someone else feel better your first instinct is to surround yourself in sadness. At times I've even found myself taking my anger out on someone else. That someone might be the offender or someone not involved at all.

Here's where I've decided to challenge myself. The next time an unfavorable situation comes my way, the next time I'm hurting, I resolve to medicate the hurt with joy and gladness. Because joy is an innate feeling controlled by me I will be joyful at all times rather than happy at the expense of others. I won't allow other people or things to determine my mood because then they control me. Lastly, I won't be a hurt person who hurts others. I will remember that you reap what you sow. Therefore, I will sow good things such as joy and gladness. My Momma named me Joy for a reason. It's time to exercise my birth right.

My Relaxerless Journey

In July of last year I decided to try the "natural" thing AGAIN having failed miserably about five years ago. So I let the best thing to happen to hair, Marcela basically give me a buzz cut. It wasn't really a buzz cut but it was short! Let me just say that this is a journey. Taking care of natural hair requires more studying than the courses I am currently taking. I've used a ton of products that worked well for others but failed miserably for me.

For example the Kinky Curly line and I did not vibe. I'm currently using a combination of two lines. So far, so good. I started with Sheamoisture shampoo, conditioner and Curling Smoothie. This combination gives my natural curl a good look but I was unhappy with how dry my hair felt. So, I added the Wen system to the mix and my hair definitely feels more moisturized. Soon, I plan to try some protective styles, two strand twists in particular. If you're joining me on this journey, I'd love to hear your stories.

Are you Living or Existing?

Wake up, get the girls ready, feed them, take Nia to school, come home, nap, feed Winter several times, pick Nia up, feed them both some more, get their baths, put them to bed. Add work three days a week and this is pretty much my life. I don't want to look back and think "Why didn't I take time to live?". I'm not talking about clubbing and wilding out but I am talking about vacations with and without my children. I would live adult conversation over dinner and wine. I had the most fun I've had in a while at the skating rink last week.

At first, I convinced myself that the answer to my problem was to find Mr. New New. Not the case Today I'm making a promise to myself. As hard as I work, I deserve to live. In 2012 that's exactly what I'm going to do. Merely existing is no longer an option. Once I've mastered this task and I'm happy by myself if Mr. New New does come, I'm sure we'll have staying power.

The Student is also the Teacher

Everyday my oldest girl teaches me a valuable lesson. Since Winter's arrival she's taught me the importance of stepping up. Nia hasn't slept alone while with her LTown family in all her seven years. Now she goes to bed alone and is sleep shortly after a good night kiss. Nia teaches me that I am my sister's keeper. She hates to hear her sister cry. When Winter makes the slightest whimper Nia immediately runs to her side to comfort her. Everyday Nia teaches me an anti procrastination message. She begins her homework as soon as she gets in the car after school. This is something I've always told my Mom and now I'm witnessing it personally. That thing is that you can definitely learn from your children. Knowing this is part of our family hustle.

Should I Stay or Should I Go

I caught the recent episode of Love n Hip Hop late. The part that has me pondering the most is Fab's ex assistant's advice to Emily. She basically was saying "You've put up with it for this long. You don't want to have to start over with someone else.". This is discouraging to me. I understand the concept of having time invested in certain things such as business and education. In that case by all means endure. However, when it comes to relationships and years invested at some point enough has to be enough. I think it all comes down to returning to old school logic. Don't play house until he marries you and puts you in a house.

On the other hand you have the disaster that is Melanie and Derwin. Through all the mistrust and betrayals they chose to stick it out and get married. It seems like each episode is going to feature some sort of tantrum by one of them. I seriously want to ask them for ID. I think it all comes down to knowing yourself and knowing what you deserve. After knowing, you have to command respect. Otherwise be a doormat. I don't have that option. My daughters are watching.

Did Everybody Kiss Dating Goodbye?

Remember a couple of years ago there was a Christian book marketed entitled "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? I didn't read the book but I think it was almost in favor of arranged marriages. I'm exaggerating but you get the drift. I'm sure that's not the reason people date less. I mean we have to give clubs some credit. The other part I attribute to a lack of thoughtfulness and creativity.

Lately I've been trying to remember my last actual date. It's been forever not counting group dates. Do people date anymore or is dating a lost art? I feel like when couples or perspective couples get back to dating communication and clean fun will increase. Then maybe, relationships will have staying power. If not, a girl can dream, can't she?

I've used the picture below before. But they're my second favorite example of love. Married over 35 years and still dating. That says a lot.

Start Like You Want to Finish

Have you ever been in the middle or at the long end of a relationship and thought "Am I really here? Why am I putting up with this?". Sometimes we extend ourselves so much to capture the attention and hearts of not only significant others but friends that when they expect the above and beyond one time too many we call them on it and things either change or here comes the resentment.

I've recently discovered through the goings on of a very important relationship that it's important to start like you wish to finish. In this relationship I was very lenient with the respect factor and now the other party involved is having a hard time dishing out the respect that I'm demanding. While I understand that the reality check I've written is difficult for this person to cash, they'd better be making their way to the bank because there are no take backs. Today's hump day thought is to start like you wish to finish and always command respect.

Celebrate Monday

Rather than begin this Monday like so many before it I made the conscious decision to celebrate all the things I must accomplish instead of dreading them. Last week I loathed the thought of returning to work this week. Today, I'm celebrating it. Yes, I have tons going on with two children, work and school but somewhere someone doesn't have anything going for them. The long and short of it is this Monday I'm glad to be among the living and productive. I know my hardwork will pay off soon. Celebrate Monday. Don't just live for the weekend. Make every day count.

Progress

Since this blog is affectionately titled Just the Three of Us I felt its only right that I update you on the girls and me. Nia is back in school after spending half of her winter break in Atlanta and the other half lounging with Winter and me. She's still an awesome big sister keeping herself occupied and helping with her sister when needed.

I had a refreshing conversation with her Dad yesterday. My goal for 2012 is to talk to people rather than at or about them. I discussed my relationship with my Dad or lack thereof and explained how important it is that he spend as much time as possible with Nia especially with my current situation. He voiced understanding and we both were amicable. Talk about progress. We have no choice. Ania's success is the goal. We've got to do everything possible to make it happen.

As far as my new gift is concerned, she's growing by leaps and bounds. She's just as beautiful as her sister and smart too. My only concern is that she has yet to meet her Dad and I can't tell her when she will. I fault myself in both situations. How could someone who knows from experience how important a father is pass these situations to her children? I won't dwell on it though. I can only assure them that I love them more than a million mommies and daddies and that I'll always be here.

Why You Mad Tho?

I feel guilty even writing this but I'm going to do it anyway. I like most everyone else enjoy my reality tv fix but I must say I'm beginning to feel slightly uncomfortable with all the cattiness. Throwing glasses and assaulting people with trite comments is the new "Hello, how are you?".

So yea I'm taking about the Mob Wives and Love and Hip Hop girl fights. It's a sad day when grown women have to talk with their hands rather than communicating with words. At the end of the day what are we teaching our children?

Personally I feel like anyone who angers me that much doesn't deserve a spot in my life. These ladies need to adopt that policy. At the same time I feel they should say "Hey, what's really bothering me that made me allow you to push me to the edge?" Big ups to Kimbella for actually doing that this week. Ladies, where is the love for yourself and others?

Is Chivalry Dead

"Chivalry is largely dead and feminism is the murderer" -Laura Schlessinger

The question posed is an old one. However, it's not age old per say. There was a time that it was understood that men are to be gentlemen and women should expect and enjoy this courtesy. These days that is not the case. I can't tell you how many times I'm walking in a building behind a "man" or into a shared space with one and he neglects to hold the door or allow me to pass first. That is definitely a pet peeve.

The above author argues that the feminist movement killed chivalry. I beg to differ. I'm a very independent woman but I'd appreciate the valor of a man at some point. If feminism is indeed the culprit I encourage ladies to remain self sufficient but make room for courtesy. Encourage your sons to practice chivalry and your daughters to accept nothing less.

Case in point, Ania's Uncle Tyler opened the car door for her a couple of weeks ago. She responded by saying "You don't have to open my door" in a snappy tone. I immediately let her know that any man who doesn't take time to open the door isn't worthy of her time. I hope she'll remember that.